Seven. I bought seven different comforters in two weeks.
Not like all at once of course. I am talking about buying one, then returning it, then buying another, then returning it, and so on and so forth until the final count came to seven. Two different stores, one online website, and a lot of loss dignity later I finally found one I could actually live with.
This isn’t normal folks. I have a problem.
I sometimes wonder if it is more #PickerProbs that are rising to the surface causing me to pick all of the wrong items, but I have a sneaking suspicion it has developed into something much deeper.
I have a relentless case of BR. Buyer’s Remorse.
I think most of us do. Because returning something that isn’t perfect is easier than trying to mend it or live with its imperfections. Both with products and with people.
I have heard a thousand times that if you have to work so hard at something then it isn’t worth it. I used to believe it. I used to guide my relationships by it. And then after a lot of years of disappointments and loneliness, I realized something of the utmost importance… friendships are like a good APPLE PIE, not a good apple.
Last week I wrote a blog about being a good “picker”… of apples… but of course I meant friendships as well. I talked about the importance of not choosing when you are in a rush, or desperate, or even on a high horse. It is something I have learned the hard way and I meant every word of it. Truth be told I could have used the reminder a few months ago when I was in line with a very familiar checker who was about to return yet another item of mine. It’s embarrassing really. I am embarrassing.
But unlike finding a comforter, a good apple pie isn’t done once you have found a few good apples. Even if you have had incredible luck and got the best looking apples on the supermarket stand, ignoring that small piece of fruit does something to an apple that is most unfortunate.
No matter how it started out, that apple will eventually turn out to be a mushy rotten heap of mess on your counter top if you just let it sit there for too long. And without fail when I see my fruit starting to get a little squishy, I have an immediate rush of that same buyer’s remorse.
Why did I buy that apple? Was it a bad choice? Why did it go rotten so soon? Should I just throw it away now?
I don’t know about you but there are a lot of things in life I regret committing to and apples… and friendships… can sometimes be on that list. I have had conversations upon conversations with myself on whether this relationship or that one are worth my time fighting for. Because give it long enough and there will be sure to be something to fight over. We are human after all. There will be offenses and irritations, hurts and pains, but no matter the circumstance- true friendship is worth working at. So don’t give up on them yet!
Let’s roll up our sleeves, girls, and get to working. No more buyer’s remorse. That incredible friend could be one good apple, but friendship is a good apple pie!
The Winning Recipe:
1. Lots of Kneading
Hard work is a vital part to getting anything of great worth. If you want a great friendship then just remember that worth=work. So buckle up. Be on the lookout for how you can put their needs above yours. Their desires above your own. Their interests higher than yours. Friendship is sacrificial and requires a lot of humility and strength.
Philippians 2:3-4 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
2. Add Sugar
Kindness is the key to any friendship. JUST BE KIND. Forgive and love and believe in every one who happens to come into your life. No matter if they are only there for a season, or a lifetime. You will never regret being too kind to someone, but you will regret using your words to bruise them.
Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
3. Apply Heat
Trials are a necessary ingredient to friendship… unfortunately. But it is true! When two people fight through a disagreement or offense, committed to their friendship, they are stronger for it. The best relationships have two people willing to fight with and not against each other. It doesn’t matter how well you believe you are matched… heat is always guaranteed and needed in the process.
Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
"Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."
All great apple pies start with a great apple - or 7- so get a few together (apples and friends) and try out one of our favorite homemade apple pies. The secret lies in a great pastry crust, so ask your grandma for her favorite recipe and enjoy a slice of friendship together!